Distortion

WordPress Challenge: Out of Your Element

The Challenge: A single post written today or tomorrow, under 1000 words, and in a different genre than you normally write in.

The Deadline: May 22, 2014

 snake (2)

Distortion

It was little after 2:00 PM, and I was on page 114 of 259. I needed a break, so I grabbed a cold bottle of Budweiser that the wife keeps stocked for me in the fridge. As I stood at the screen door, letting the liquid slowly cool my throat, I wondered, What was the best way of killing someone without getting caught? Then I wondered if I really could kill someone, someone I used to love. I thought about putting a knife into someone, but that just seems really morbid. Not to mention the fact that seeing my own blood makes me want to pass out. It would probably be a bad thing when it came to being caught. I can see it now, I’d slit a throat, and pass out from the gushing blood. The cops would come and I’d be arrested because I’d still be passed out on the floor. No, slitting the throat won’t work. A gun shot would make too much noise, and the neighbors would hear so that won’t work either.

I finished the beer, and went to the fridge for another. Editing was just going to have to wait while I moseyed on out to the garden to see what kind of work I’d be doing to it this weekend. Big red tomatoes drooped from their vines, and bright yellow lemon peppers begged to be picked. I wondered about injecting the tomatoes with some sort of poison. What kind of poison would kill someone quickly, and not have a taste to it?  I supposed I could look it up online, but that would set me up for probable cause if the detectives decided to search my computer.

I stepped into the row of green beans and picked a few off the bush. They crunched as I bit into them. I noticed there were a lot that needed to be picked, and frozen or canned.  The wife wouldn’t like doing that this weekend. I reached down to pick a few more, and noticed a large Black Widow sunning herself. If I’m not mistaken they eat their mate after they propagate. I also think their bite is deadly. Hmmm, I pondered about that. I thought about trying to catch it, and strategically placing it where the wife was sure to get bit. But that would still leave him.

They don’t think I know about their little rendezvouses they have every couple of weeks. I never would have found out if it hadn’t been for my brother losing his cell phone down the seat of the car. I was out for beer or some stupid thing that I can’t remember right now. Driving time is thinking time so I never have the radio on. I heard a cell phone beep, but it wasn’t my ring tone. I pulled over as soon as I could, and went digging for it. When I found it, I recognized it as being Steve’s. I scrolled through. He’s dumb, he didn’t have it set up with a pin number. I was able to read all the messages between the two of them. Makes me sick.

What’s more difficult is trying to act like I still am head over heels in love with the two-timing cheater. I mean who wants to make love to a woman who your brother’s dicking?  I’m going to kill them both. I haven’t figured out the best way yet, but both of them are going to say good-bye to the charade they are living.

I stepped over to the hills of cucumbers, summer squash, and zucchini. There were several to pick. I reached down to get a huge monstrosity of a zucchini, and just before it happened I thought the vine looked awful dark. The pain was twenty times worse than any bee or hornet sting I’ve ever experienced. I saw the tail go slithering away, and I felt dizzy. The beer bottle dropped out of my hand. I saw little black spots circling in front of my eyes. I could smell fresh dirt as my face hit the ground. Then everything went black.

© Crackerberries 2014

 

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8 thoughts on “Distortion

  1. Irony at it’s worst or best, depending on your point of view. The husband’s or the wife’s. If she knew he was going to kill her that is. The snake in his garden of Eden.

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