Springboard for the Catalyst

drama

Ever have something that means so much to you, and you hold it to your heart so dearly that when someone else uses it or tries to take it from you, the result is devastating? I have learned in my short 46½ years of life that when I commence to idolatry, God sets me straight in a hurry. He uses the most unexpected people, or things that I wouldn’t imagine could be used to bring something good. (Then I remember the story in Esther of Haman) As much as I hate these incidents, I am thankful. I know that He is teaching me a lesson, and if I am not open to learning, my growth with Him will not increase. How does John the Baptist put it? “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30) No one likes humiliation, and I for one, hate to admit when I am wrong, especially when I’m not. But sometimes in order to move forward, and grow spiritually the way God has planned for us, we need to humble ourselves, accept defeat, and be willing to let go of the thing that we have held onto so tightly.

My sister and I have had a rocky relationship ever since the day she was born. In fact rumor has it that I tried to kill her by whipping her with a dog choker chain when my mother brought her home from the hospital. I don’t know if that is true or not because I was only 18 months old. Who remembers anything when they are 18 months old? I do remember a lot of fighting growing up, a lot of competing for attention, and a lot of blame put on the other one for whatever reasons: spitting behind the couch, lighting a fire in the closet, whose idea it was to go in the road across the street to the neighbor’s house … the list can go on and on. All siblings go through some sort of rivalry. I always thought they grew out of it. Apparently this is not so, or so I am experiencing in my now 40+ years of life.

I grew up thinking that my aunts and uncles all loved each other because they would gather at my grandparent’s house several times a year. All of us kids would play outside and have fun, and have great expectations looking forward to the next function we could come together for. Unfortunately, as I grew older the coming together commenced to being sicknesses and funerals. Little did I know the aunts and uncles hated each other, held grudges towards each other, and finally when my grandparents both died, the covenant was broken, and the aunts and uncles didn’t need to gather for anything anymore.

I have been doing a Bible Study that touched on generational sin. Exodus 20:5-6 has revealed so much to me in these past few weeks, and I am filled with new hope. My sister was my springboard this week. I recently tried to reconnect with her. She has so much going on in her life that she doesn’t take the time to correspond with me, nor anyone, as she was quick to point out. I really just wanted her attention, and wasn’t looking for any hostility, which unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, that is all our relationship has ever been — aggression. But within the short communication that we had with each other, she was the springboard I needed to admit my imperfection, and ask God to help me with rebuilding the ancient ruins that have held me captive for so long.

The thing I have held onto is my undying desire to be a writer. I have written since I learned how to write. Apparently unbeknownst to me as well as other members of my family, this also has been my sister’s dream since the third grade. I had this idea that I wanted to write first. I guess that is the competitive ego within me coming out. There are a million gazillion writers out there. So my sister gets to go to college for free and get all of these writing degrees under her belt and maybe she will make it as a published writer before me. Good for her. All my best goes out to her. God has helped me realize through her, that if I have something I want to do, do it. No one can stop your dreams and if you think someone is stealing them or taking something from you, you probably should not have a hold on them so tight anyways. Everything is Gods, and He will give you what you need. This is what He gave me today, and I know it has been a long few months since I’ve posted anything. If it’s His will, more will come in due time.

This was first published on March 2, 2012 on my recipe blog. I felt the need to share it again because not much has changed. Again, my sister gives me reason to reach out to God and ask forgiveness for my own sin. But God is good. My book is published and I am working on the next one. My sister recently graduated from college with an English major and is quick to point out that she “has an education”. It’s one thing to have an education, it’s quite another to use it.

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